thoughts in my head at this moment

After reading a fellow blogger's blog about saying what you really mean I realized that I don't do that. I find myself editing certain things out of my posts. Especially things about work. I would love to vent about some of the things that happen but I'm afraid. I'm afraid someone from work will somehow stumble upon my blog and read what I have written. It could happen! I've shared my blog address with two co-workers, they may have shared with others. What if I complain about Dr. Man and his crazy thinking of lets treat this HIGH school like a Jr. High because he worked in one for so long, and it gets back to him? This man controls the fate of my job (i.e. my food, home, and entertainment). I don't know if I can take that risk. Plus you all probably don't want to hear about the crappy communication at my school. Or the mice that have invaded the HOPE room causing it to be closed until further notice. Which also cuts back on my extra pay that I was going to put toward...anything I want! Yes I know I am spoiled. It is my compensation for being denied the privilege of being a mother.

On another topic...headaches suck! Every test that was done came back normal. I am glad to know that I don't have a tumor or cancer or anything ugly and vicious like that. However, I'm still getting headaches daily. The neurologist informs me, 5 tests and 4 months later, that I have chronic headaches. To which I say "duh"! Like I didn't know that going into my first appointment with him. I have been suffering with headaches for over 8 years, but I had absolutely no idea that they where chronic headaches. I know the sarcasm is a bit bitter, but I'm slightly angered that all of this time, money and stress has come to nothing. (deep breath)

The lesson I taught the young women on Sunday was about spiritual talents. One of the spiritual talents was the faith to be healed. I thought, years ago, that I had this talent. I have faith in Gods supreme power to heal. I know that whatever God wills will happen. If he were to bless me I would be healed. I do not doubt this in any way. However, after too many years to count, of praying to be healed of my infertility without success it makes me think that God doesn't want to heal me. I have been praying for my health. I have been praying that he will take the headaches away so that I wont have to take a pain killer each and every single day. I have faith that he can heal me, but what if he doesn't want to? I could have the faith of the prophets and it would do me no good if my physical suffering is the will of the Lord. "Ask and you shall receive, Knock and it shall be opened", but only if it's God's will. I know He knows infinitely more than I do. I know that He wants what is best for me and will not give me more then I can handle. But at times I feel like he overestimates my strength. I do pray that the Lords will be done. Sometimes I just wish our wills were the same.
Did I mention headaches suck?!

Sorry

Okay I have totally sucked at blogging the last two months. I haven't even taken the time to read my friends blogs. I'm sorry about missing out on your lives and all the great & not so great things that have happened. I am going to try and do better, but I make no promises. To be honest I think one of the big problems is that I can't get on blogs at work. I have plenty of things to do at work and it is not like I would spend the whole time reading and typing, but have you ever heard of a lunch break or a 15 min break. The fact that the school now blocks access to blogs is ridiculous! Good news though, on the 15th I will have access to the internet on my phone so I can always read your blogs then. Hopefully commenting will be easy on the phone.
I’ll try to do better this year with blogging and reading. Thank you for your patients and support. I’ll try and catch you up on the last two months. Novembers’ done…one month to go.

November/Thanksgiving

November started out crappy. My spinal tap went wrong. The 24 hours of laying flat turned into 48 hours. But after the blood patch I could finally stand up without a severe headache. Unfortunately, I woke up with another sinus infection. After the sinus infection went away we headed to my parents for Thanksgiving. My sister and her family also came to Yuma. My brother, Craig, was also going to come but was unable to make it do to an emergency. We had a lot of food and fun! We not only ate but we had the chance to ride and shop.

Mom prepping the Turkey

Cookn' the bird

More Yummy Food


Carving the Turkey

My Kids

My Parents

Audree's Family

My Family

Thanksgiving Dinner

The Kids Table


Riding