I've disapointed myself, once again.

In January 2007 I found myself extremely motivated to lose weight after stepping on the scale and getting quite a shock. I decided to join weight watchers. It has been a good decision. By the end of November 2007 I had lost 46 lbs. I felt great. I was half way to my goal. However, in 2008 I continued to see saw back and forth. At first it was within a couple pounds two up two down. You get the point. Then I started going up 3 pounds down one. Little by little, and sometimes not so little, I have put back on 23 lbs!!!! {gasp in horror}
This last weigh in I went up almost 9 lbs. I had skipped two meetings and was not watching what I ate at all. I have let myself down. I dreams of reaching my goal weight last summer. I wanted to be at are very near my goal weight when I finished school. I can't believe how I let myself get so off track. I haven't kept my "eye on the ball" I've been to busy eating.
So I think I have gotten my rude awakening, to say the least. I am focused and determined to not only lose what I already lost but even more. Right now I have a closet full of clothes that are too tight to wear comfortably, and they are really cute clothes that I want to wear. I don't feel like I look good. I feel undesirable. I want to hide under a tent so that nobody can see what I have become. 2009 is going to be my year!
One thing I noticed looking back at this last year was that once I started eating chocolate again my weight loss journey became more difficult. 6 years ago this past August I gave up chocolate (except for hot coco and chocolate milk). I didn't eat chocolate for 5 years! But once I hit the 5 year mark I figured it was long enough and I thought I had things under control. Oh how wrong I was. So as of two days ago I'm not eating chocolate anymore! I'm going to make this a life long goal. I do have two exceptions just like last time; (1)hot coco and (2) chocolate frozen yogurt (chocolate yogurt has the same amount of points as vanilla, so why not eat the chocolate).
For the year of 2009 I made 4 new years resolutions. None of my resolutions had to do with losing weight. My resolutions were spiritually based. I know that if I get the spiritual part of my life in order everything else will fall into place. So with my determination and a lot of divine intervention I know that I will succeed at getting healthy and fit this year.