Small sacrifices aren't always easy

Have you ever seen the Friends episode where Joey is trying to prove to Phobee that there is such a thing as doing a selfless act that you don't feel good about? Well he couldn't find anything, but I have. Normal doing something good for someone bring you a piece of joy to your own heart. I have never not felt this piece of joy until now.
About a month ago I got this "feeling" that I should donate my hair to Lock of Love. I thought to myself that this was a good thing to do for others. My hair was long enough and it would help out the poor kids that are going though such a hard time. Well I measured my hair and I knew that the 10 inch minimum was going to leave me with really short hair. I thought that maybe I should wait a little while longer, let my hair grow a bit more. My hair stylest (Jamie) even tried to encourage me to wait a bit longer when I told her of my plan. Actually a lot of people tried to talk me out of it. However, when I thought about waiting that "feeling" came back that I needed to do and soon. I was even "told" that I was supposed to do this so that I could experience sacrifice. I though okay cutting my hair really shouldn't be that big of a deal. As sacrifices go its pretty small.
I looked online and found a haircut that I thought would work well with my very round & pudgy face. So on Tuesday I headed off to Jamie's with the picture of the hairstyle I wanted, my ponytail holder, measuring tape and my camera. I was ready to do something for someone else. I felt good about doing this. Jamie put my hair in the ponytail, measure with the measuring tape and then began to cut. I felt the weight come off and heard my hair breaking apart. I felt sad, it had taken so long to get as long as it was. Jamie styled my hair. She even gave me some product to help me add body to my limp hair. When I left Jamie's I was in shock and knew that this new hairstyle was going to take a while to get used to.

The next day when I attempted to "style" my hair I became very frustrated. I had apparently gotten rid of my round brush which is what Jamie used. I attempted to recreate what Jamie had done with my curling iron, but I was completely unsuccessful. It didn't seem to matter what I did with my hair I couldn't make it look right. It was just too short!
I even told Neal that I needed him to lie to me convincingly that my hair looked good. I know he doesn't like my hair short, he's told me. He prefers it long as I do. I also know that he can lie convincingly. However, he was unable to do so on this day. I began to cry. Yes I cried over my short hair! I felt stupid crying over my hair. Its only hair for crying out loud. It will grow back, very slowly, but it will grow back. Until the moment I started to cry Neal actually thought I was doing this because I wanted short hair. I tried to tell him before that I didn't really want to cut my hair but I just felt that I really was supposed to do. He know believes me.
I haven't cried since Wednesday. I bought a round brush and am now able to style it better, but I still don't like it. I feel naked without my hair falling down my back. I don't think the short hair looks good with my round face. I feel fat! Okay I already felt fat, because I am, but now I feel fatter.
So I have done something good for someone else and I don't feel good about it! Perhaps in time I will feel better about it, I hope. It might be in two years when my hair gets back to the length it was. Does anyone know about anything that will help my hair grow faster? I know I'm being selfish and crying over spilled milk, but I can't help it. So I thought if I wrote about, got it off my chest, I would feel better.